When I was a boy....
Hi there! I'm Grumpy. I've had a slew of names in my lifetime, actually, but I don't mind. I was always kind of independent and snippy (Mom says) but the lowest of the low-maintainance rats she's ever seen. I'm nice like that.
WHAT? YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, I'M A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING!
Anyway, I'm turning 3 today. The Big Thr-Ee. Mom says that's old, and minus the fact that I haven't really been able to use my back legs for over a year now, I really feel pretty young, especially since she put the Golden Girls in here with me. Whooo-hoo! Migh-Tee-Fine little heating pads those two are!
WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR A THING YOU'RE SAYING, YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP!
Well, I'll tell you a bit about myself. I've never ever wheezed though I did sneeze a couple of times in my prime. I never gave up trying to be the "dominant rat" and despite all my efforts, I always left every fight un-scarred and un-mangled. I've never had a tumor and I've never had an abscess. I'm glad too, because I'm really starting to like my mom and retirement has treated me well.
DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? SPEAK UP, I TELL YA!
I keep myself very clean and continue to have a very good appetite. Mom helps me clean those hard-to-reach areas. She's learned to be very patient. She has to because my mind is working like a charm, and sometimes when she gives me too much cleaning stimulation, my brain tells my back legs and all the muscles needed to use them, to go ahead and do their scratching thing. Of course when I do that, it takes so much effort that I convulse all over and scare mom half out of her wits (or so she says).
Anyway, I heard you all along, and thanks for the Birthday Wishes. I can actually hear just fine, I'm just a bit selective about it. If you knock or say "Hello" I'll just continue on with my nap, however if you make the silent but magical Cheezy Poof noise, you can bet your bottoms I'll be right there to take it!
Happy Birthday to me!
Har har har.